Happily ever after. Every Disney movie seems to end that way, but especially if it’s a Princess movie! Of course, we don’t live in that kind of a world, do we?

Celebrities are constantly being maligned. Their lives are reported on and distorted beyond recognition. Sometimes it’s unbelievable the headlines we see!

So I wondered: What kind of headlines would the Disney Princesses make in today’s tabloids?

Well, let’s have a look…

Snow White

Teenage Girl Arrested for Polygamy With Seven Men

Aurora

Parents of Comatose Girl Decide to Remove Life Support

Cinderella

Lonely Woman’s Strange Hobby: Sewing Clothes for Mice

Ariel

Girl Found on Beach Half-naked, Fined, Defendant Speechless

Jasmine

Royalty Involved in Peasant Scandal, Loses Crown

Belle

Woman Turns Down He-man, Marries Man-Beast

Pocahontas

Young Lady Committed, Claims Tree is Grandmother, Talks to Raccoon

Mulan

Girl Charged With Tom-peepery, Found by Men’s Bathing Pool

Tiana

Family Disowns Daughter for Alternative Lifestyle After Kissing Frog

Rapunzel

Girl Arrested After Striking Man With Frying Pan, Claims Self Defense

Merida

Scottish Lass Turns Mother, Brothers into Bears (you can’t make this stuff up!)

Anna and Elsa

Ice Queens Put the Freeze on Mankind. Wait… what?

Bonus Princess: Alice

Little Girl Talks to Pet Rabbit, Eats Strange Mushroom, Parents Appauled

So I guess it’s for the best that these stories take place far, far away in a time long, long ago, and not in our modern world!

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About the Author

Lee Beatens ()

I have been blogging about Disney since 2007, contributing to several sites and also hosting my own site called Disleelandia. I have since rebooted that site and relaunched it as Disney Nouns. I love Disneyana, the Parks, and finding obscure Disney references!

Website: http://www.disneynouns.com